These were truly exceptional games... euhm was a bla bla performance

Ladies and gentlemen,

All of you who read this blog regularly will know that I am extremely well in making long introduction, having a core of 2 sentences and bragging about myself for the rest. I am not going to change that habit, but the core is more important, so you can skip all of the non-bold text if you want.

Once upon a time, there was a snail called Airfix_9. This snail crawled slowly day in day out. She got further and further at a very regular pace. To recuperate from that long, hard and laborious daily journey she talked and talked and talked. Some of us even have special Airfix_9 tablets nowadays to be able to stand her for over an hour continuously. But we are shifting attention here. Airfix_9 is a great sport. Games with her always end in an unfair score for her (she wins, without merit) but nobody really cares for that… the game itself is so much fun, makes you laugh like a madman and is never boring or annoying. She chitchats her way through brilliant attacking football that never bores or frustrates… Forget that last part: her gameplay does frustrate as with her short and quick passing, her swift movement across the field and her 15 open chances a game you hardly have a minute of pause. Her defence skills are rather lousy but that is what makes her a Marx Sister. We do not retreat, we go under with attacking football. I bet if we would have an audience and season tickets, all of our games would be sold out the first day.

Although Airfix_9 has all qualities of a top player, she rests a human snail. Rather than neurotically playing to move on, she took her long and relaxing breaks (for her) and chitchatted with everyone and everything. Unfortunately the screenshot is lost where you could see Airfix_9 all alone in a gameroom making conversation with herself. When the research was done in order to establish her sex, my reporters came back and told me she even talked to her car (“yes pumpkin, mummy is here to take you for a spin”), her cat (“have you eaten the 20 euro fish?”), her lawn (“grow my little friends! Grow like you never done before.”), her backdoor (“be a nice boy and close”) and a long list of other objects (upon request).

It should therefore not surprise she took a long time to get to level 99, but she got there in the end. AIRFIX_9 IS A LEVEL 99. It took her over a year, over 1000 losses and at least 20 million taps on his space bar (with the often repeated “get in” in the chat box) but she got there.

Snails may move slowly, they move persistently. Airfix_9 passed all the English players whose engine broke down as they wanted to move too quickly or who lost interest in the game as they played too many games in a too short time span. He also passed all those users who thought it would help if they swore and cheated their way to level 99. Our snail took it slowly, step by step (or rather slide by slide), and went where no Englishman went before: to level 99. Probably this is the greatest accomplishment we should grant or honour our good friend for: AIRFIX_9 IS THE FIRST EVER ENGLISHMAN TO REACH LEVEL 99. That makes us, as Marx Brothers, tremendously proud. A country with a very large number of players has its own queen now, Airfix_9…

Before she bursts down in tears for all the nice words that have been written here, let’s come to a conclusion: AIRFIX_9 IS A GREAT AND CHERISHED PLAYER. SHE TRULY DESERVES TO BE THE FIRST LEVEL 99 FROM ENGLAND AND THE WIDER UK (PROBABLY EVEN THE COMMONWEALTH). SHE ALSO TRULY DESERVES TO BE IN THE SPOTLIGHTS FOR AT LEAST A WEEK. FROM NOW ON, LET’S ALL ADDRESS her AS QUEEN AIRFIX_9. To my great friend we say: Huuray, huuray, huuray.

As it is obligatory to end with “some videos”, please enjoy the fine selection presented below. Each has a story and each has a tune.

The story of AF9 is very similar to the story of her favourite football team last year. Lagging behind all the time but in the end victorious. Therefore, as a tribute to both AF9 and Fulham AFC, a video which sums up the Marx Brothers creed “Go down fighting”:

And becomes she is an oldie: