Do you understand me?

This clan is diverse in many ways but none more so than in the languages that we speak, indeed half of us do not have English as our first language (in Sipwell's case, none of us are really sure what is his first language). Marx Brothers has always sought to be inclusive in its ethos and there is a case for saying that us English-speakers should probably not have it all our own way.

So, I have been working on a compromise.

It is important that one central language be maintained so that it is easier to understand each other and I gave myself a choice between two main contenders - plain ol' English or some European language. In the end, I plumped for English but, in order to help our non-English brothers, some spelling differences will be implemented. This will be done by stages, so that we can evolve over a period. I envisage each stage being implemented monthly.

Here is the plan:~

In the first month, the letter S will replace the ‘soft’ C. Sertainly this will make the Sentral Europeans jump with joy. The ‘hard’ C will be dropped in favour of K and CH will be replased by J. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.

I expekt growing klan enthusiasm in the sekond month, when the troublesome PH is replased with the F. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the third month, klan akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reaj the stage where more komplikated janges are possible. The klan wil enkourage the removal of double leters, whij have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the ‘silent’ E in the languag is disgrasful. By the fourth month, pepl wil be reseptiv to steps suj as replasing TH with Z and W with V.

During ze fifz monz ze unesesary O kan b droped from vords kontaning OU. Similar janges vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz monz, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to underztand ech ozer.

Zere yu go. Ezi!!