A Treatise on Treaties, or V = MB²

This war we're in has involved many casualties, especially on the Surreal side. Did I say "casualties"? I meant "casual ties", in reference to our adversaries', shall we say, fluid membership policies. I speak from experience, having ever-so-briefly stumbled to the dark side, only to see sense and immediately run to the warm bosom of the "even darker" side.

Nevertheless, our struggle with Surreal has a lot in common with other historical clashes between titanic figures. Firstly, nobody really knows how it started. Secondly, it has lasted far longer than anticipated. Well, okay, everybody knows how it started, and nobody made any prediction about its length, but please bear with me for narrative purposes.

On the matter of instigation, I would like to offer an explanation (or a stunning piece of revisionist history, depending how you interpret what follows). Some have claimed that one of our Elders referred to Surreal as the "Dodo" clan. This is not the case, and never happened! In fact, General Sipwell meant no offense, and (permission to speak freely sir?) is at worst, guilty of a somewhat sloppy mischaracterization of early 20th century art.



Above is an example of dadaist art (or is it surrealist? or dodoist? for god's sake, i'm an engineer not an art historian). What my colleague meant to type was that Surreal is a Dada clan, however he was using a Belgian keyboard which we all know has reversed A and O. While surrealism and dadaism are not, strictly speaking, identical, it is an honest mistake. But the Surreal camp, having read these missives, leapt to the offensive and declared war without first asking for clarification! The tragedy is almost Shakespearean.

Their initial blog offensive utilized the strategy of "Schlock and Uhhh?", whereby they attempted to catch us off-guard with a sustained and almost incredible absence of activity. Even to this day, the lack of blogging continues, and it is a testament to our strength that we have weathered the non-storm and emerged, unscathed.

Which brings me to the second point (yes, I had points cleverly hidden between all these digressions; you can scroll up to find them), that the war has lasted too long. Throughout the ages, leaders have promised speedy conflict resolution (the classic "Home for Christmas" refrain trotted out by leaders in europe in 1914 and 1939, southeast asia throughout the 1950s, 60s, and 70s, and Mesopotamia in the 90s and 2003 comes to mind), only to deliver an endless river of blood. In this age of ICBMs (Inter-Continental Brothers Marx), war, if escalated, can be deadly and casual ties will quickly be dissolved.

I, jimmykilcoo, as the newest member of the Anti-Anti-Marx Brothers, call for all parties (Dadas and dodos included!) to lay down their arms. We need to come together, so that we can fabricate a bigger, better enemy. We will teach you how to blog (hint: it involves coming up with ideas, placing the fingers on a preferably non-Belgian keyboard, and transmitting said ideas to others).

If you, Surreal, refuse my completely reasonable and completely non-authorized-by-MB-Cabinet offering of peace, I am prepared to unveil a recently developed weapon which is sure to bring a swift closing to the conflict and establish MB as the all-mighty chief of clans that everyone already knew we were anyway.







(months pass)






Hello? Surreal? I won't wait for your lack of reply any longer. Behold!

http://twitter.com/youlosesome

I call it "V=MB²", or "Victory = Marx Brothers Micro Blog". Heralding a new era of intensified laziness. Our tweets will be the end of you.