There is a expression running that says “if you got wrinkles, it means you are wise.” It is a way of comforting women who are getting older and slightly more unsure of themselves.
Of course, every saying gets its exceptions and our dearest Airfix_9, Christine for all her friends, is a case in prime. Not only is she an ugly old tart, she has less wisdom than a four year old wondering (and putting it to the test) whether if he eats the opponents of his lego-army they can be considered defeated. (As my four year old nephew can testify: they are not. In fact, their retaliation is so much graver that he actually had to surrender to the undigested lego soldiers in his stomach).
When you reach a certain age – in more modern language: when you were already considered an adult when the first computer appeared on the market – every so-called anniversary is a day you quickly want to forget. You meet people congratulating you with a big sarcastic smile on their face (you are yet again older than you were before), the cashier at the counter of the grocery store doesn’t even consider to call you “Miss” anymore and your friends decide to buy you a box of Pampers for grown-ups (Another saying goes: in the speech of the fool, there is always a lot of truth to be found). It is, in other words, a disastrous period in the year.
Christine is approaching such a period. She will be of unmentionable age next Sunday. My snitches over at the Fulham Centre for the Gravely Insane informed me that she is borderline depressed at the moment, spending her afternoons drinking tea (but above all scrunching cupcakes) whilst saying completely senseless things like “When I was young, our boys liberated the Falklands” (which is, I can assure you, at least 30 years off).
Strange as it may sound but we all kind of like – and some even love – our dearest Christine. She has her moments of wit and the phases of insanity are for most of us equally amusing. We know we can have an easy win when we play her (which is nice of her, not being talented at all to play this game) and she does her MA duties with a lot of style and finesse. She isn’t that bad, after all.
That is why the Marx Brothers decided to help Christine through this difficult period. We will guard her house, check the presents she gets (and get all the rubbish out) and we have hired a bunch of 44 year old women to show her: see, it can become even worse (next year let’s say). We do however expect the community to tip in as well hence we have a triple assignment!
First we want you to make drawings of how you see Christine. What does she look like according to you? Is she tall, small, slim or skinny? Is she a natural or fake blonde (Blonde she is, I can give you as much)? Is she perhaps a blonde baboon or a dinosaur? Draw it! Show us your skills!
Second we want you to write an “essay” on what you believe Christine could have done better. The first line of the essay therefore should be: “If I were Christine, I would have …”
Third: we want you to find the cheapest botox clinic in the world. It doesn’t matter whether the conditions are completely unsafe or the botox is of less-than-bad quality. Just the cheapest! Browse the internet, help us out otherwise it will be very hard for us to raise enough funds to actually pay for it.
We will not award a prize. We just want people to understand that Christine is fundamental for this community, that she is “more than great” and that all those mean men out there laughing at her age are completely unjust and unfair. So what if she turns 43 next Sunday!!!! With our botox cure she will without any doubt stay 43 for the rest of her life. And the wisdom, well, if she keeps on dyeing her hair she will never turn grey but remain blonde for the rest of her time.
So, chop chop! Off you go! Start drawing, start writing and start browsing!!! The best of all will be shown on the Marx Brothers blog, which is in serious need of renewed laughter.
Sipwell
President of the Official “Christine = 43” Committee
Head of the “Why be bored if you can have a laugh at…” Section of the Sarcasm Society
Of course, every saying gets its exceptions and our dearest Airfix_9, Christine for all her friends, is a case in prime. Not only is she an ugly old tart, she has less wisdom than a four year old wondering (and putting it to the test) whether if he eats the opponents of his lego-army they can be considered defeated. (As my four year old nephew can testify: they are not. In fact, their retaliation is so much graver that he actually had to surrender to the undigested lego soldiers in his stomach).
When you reach a certain age – in more modern language: when you were already considered an adult when the first computer appeared on the market – every so-called anniversary is a day you quickly want to forget. You meet people congratulating you with a big sarcastic smile on their face (you are yet again older than you were before), the cashier at the counter of the grocery store doesn’t even consider to call you “Miss” anymore and your friends decide to buy you a box of Pampers for grown-ups (Another saying goes: in the speech of the fool, there is always a lot of truth to be found). It is, in other words, a disastrous period in the year.
Christine is approaching such a period. She will be of unmentionable age next Sunday. My snitches over at the Fulham Centre for the Gravely Insane informed me that she is borderline depressed at the moment, spending her afternoons drinking tea (but above all scrunching cupcakes) whilst saying completely senseless things like “When I was young, our boys liberated the Falklands” (which is, I can assure you, at least 30 years off).
Strange as it may sound but we all kind of like – and some even love – our dearest Christine. She has her moments of wit and the phases of insanity are for most of us equally amusing. We know we can have an easy win when we play her (which is nice of her, not being talented at all to play this game) and she does her MA duties with a lot of style and finesse. She isn’t that bad, after all.
That is why the Marx Brothers decided to help Christine through this difficult period. We will guard her house, check the presents she gets (and get all the rubbish out) and we have hired a bunch of 44 year old women to show her: see, it can become even worse (next year let’s say). We do however expect the community to tip in as well hence we have a triple assignment!
First we want you to make drawings of how you see Christine. What does she look like according to you? Is she tall, small, slim or skinny? Is she a natural or fake blonde (Blonde she is, I can give you as much)? Is she perhaps a blonde baboon or a dinosaur? Draw it! Show us your skills!
Second we want you to write an “essay” on what you believe Christine could have done better. The first line of the essay therefore should be: “If I were Christine, I would have …”
Third: we want you to find the cheapest botox clinic in the world. It doesn’t matter whether the conditions are completely unsafe or the botox is of less-than-bad quality. Just the cheapest! Browse the internet, help us out otherwise it will be very hard for us to raise enough funds to actually pay for it.
We will not award a prize. We just want people to understand that Christine is fundamental for this community, that she is “more than great” and that all those mean men out there laughing at her age are completely unjust and unfair. So what if she turns 43 next Sunday!!!! With our botox cure she will without any doubt stay 43 for the rest of her life. And the wisdom, well, if she keeps on dyeing her hair she will never turn grey but remain blonde for the rest of her time.
So, chop chop! Off you go! Start drawing, start writing and start browsing!!! The best of all will be shown on the Marx Brothers blog, which is in serious need of renewed laughter.
Sipwell
President of the Official “Christine = 43” Committee
Head of the “Why be bored if you can have a laugh at…” Section of the Sarcasm Society
Posts
1 comment:
Wow, Airfix are you 43 in real life??
I'm only..............8. Seriously.
Post a Comment