Save the Beard! (The Effects of Ireland on Beard Propagation)

As Published in the Journal of Beard Science
(the Proceedings of the International Society of Beard Awareness)

Objectives:
To investigate and quantitatively prove the negative effects of Ireland on Beard Growth and promote awareness thereof; To convince certain PS users that for their own well-being they have no choice but to join the Marx Brothers Beard Recovery Program

Hypothesis:
Proximity to "Ireland" in all forms has a negative effect on Beard Propagation

Apparatus:
Google Images, Stephen Ireland, keyboard, mouse, internet connection

Methods:
Google image search "Stephen Ireland", cut image, paste image into report, develop narrative to suit one's purposes, wax propagandaic

Discussion:
Let us start at the beginning. When Stephen Ireland arrived at Manchester City he sported a half-decent head of hair, a baby-bump, and a beard (see Fig. 1).

(Fig. 1, The Subject with Child)

Things were going well. The birth was successful (baby Robinho did have a habit of thumb-sucking but soon returned to Brazil for rehabilitation, Fig. 2). Although his hair had disappeared, the beard remained healthy (Fig. 3).

<-- (Fig. 2, Baby Robinho Ireland)

(Fig. 3, Mother and Child Reunion) -->

With the passage of time and no corrective action taken, however, the alopecia spread, and the anxiety is clear from the subject's facial expression in figure 4:

Fig. 4, WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?!?

Conclusion:

For calculus fans out there, the mathematical expression would be as follows:

lim (dBeard/dt-Ireland) = 0, as t-->infinity.

For "visual learners", this is how it looks in a graph:

In order to avoid the complete eradicationof michaelblake's beard, we (the Marx Brothers Association of Concerned Beard-Lovers) strongly recommend that he leave Ireland forthwith and join our recovery program.

DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!